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[Applause]

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let's see how silly do we want to start

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oh right you said you had a very

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important arby's story that we needed

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okay yes let's start with that one right

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into carrot chop that goes arby's

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staying with our are keeping up with

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fast food news here's this

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yeah when people think of fast food they

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think of obdm that's for sure and arby's

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and toilets oh this there's a news

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report here that we can play well i like

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this okay

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i don't gotta read this is good news

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from wcco 4 news i'm jason to russia

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minnesota vikings running back dalvin

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cook is being sued by his ex-girlfriend

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for a lesson on relational abuse lawsuit

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stems from an incident in november of

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2020 when the woman allegedly showed up

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at cook's home unannounced where's the

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arby's where does the arby's come in now

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there's a there's a tweet that may be a

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little more informative or does he get

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to it right away because i don't know

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they're they're bearing the lead here if

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they're talking about an nfl yeah yeah

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maybe

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see if there is anything was there an

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argument over arby's yeah was it arby's

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related

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i'm not seeing anything i'm scrubbing

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through it and i'm not seeing anything

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why do news channels do this it's like

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i want to read that story oh by the way

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here's a video that's completely

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uh irrelevant i'm looking for like a

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happy rv story and then you give me a

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story about this

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like this

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spouse like that's not related well

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there's a tweet go to the tweet okay

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well here we go so i'll read this story

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here

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everyone knows arby's has the meats

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thanks to minneapolis minneapolis-based

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uh tater stall distilling

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they got the vodka now too you read that

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right the roast beef based fast food

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chain is teaming up with tater saul

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uh for a crinkle and curly fry curly fry

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flavored vodkas

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the vodkas will go on sale november 18th

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arby said the quantities are extremely

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limited if you want to order

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i saw like a pickle vodka i think at one

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point pickle brian i love pickled brine

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vodka well yeah but you do a lot of

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these with pickled brine for in in

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version but but like flavored or the

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flavor of of curly fries it's just

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it's hard i mean i do like curly fries

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it's [\h__\h] i like curly flower

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i like curly fries and i like vodka but

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i don't know about putting those

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together

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tell you what if i'm going to put this

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together

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i'm going to be in charge of mixing them

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and i'm going to do that in the belly so

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there you go yeah and i'm dutch so i put

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fries in mayo people still think that's

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weird but yeah the vodka thing that's a

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little that's a bridge too far

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it's just like uh was that a double

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dutch reference and because that was an

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antwerp

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i didn't even think about that but hey

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what are the limited quantities like we

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read a story in the last show or maybe

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two shows ago about uh heinz putting out

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limited edition christmas soup and

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they're only putting out 500. so what

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are the limited quantities of this arby

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curly fry flavored vodka like is it 500

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again

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like this is [\h__\h] what if i want to

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order vodka i'll drink holidays

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it got consumed out on those freighters

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on the west coast that's what's

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happening these guys have to sit on that

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boat it's like let's drink the fried

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vodka and now there's not that much left

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i get i got to do something out there to

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pass the time all right

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all right so let's let's let's stay on

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the fast food tip and i'm going to

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combine combine this with mars

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okay

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all right let's let's do this

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uh

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ketchup on mars

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okay

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i'm interested heinz preps for a future

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with condiment on the red planet okay

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let's do it

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oh my god

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matt damon in the martian was one letter

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off instead of potatoes he should have

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been growing tomatoes with an eye

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towards making space ketchup because

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what's the point of french fries on mars

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if you don't have anything to dip them

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the way you're looking at the camera

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right now and reading it i think is so

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fitting for this article

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what is this [\h__\h] heinz a brand ketchup

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you may have heard of enlisted a team of

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astrobiologists to answer the most

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pressing question of our time will

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future human settlers on mars be able to

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make their own

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ketchup isn't this

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john kerry made all his money off of the

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heinz family

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yeah so maybe he's thinking about the

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future he's going to blow up this planet

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because climate change and everything so

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he's already thinking about mars i'm

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going to need ketchup up there

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uh heinz collaborated with 14

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astrobiologists at the aldrin space

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institute do they just walk around this

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punch people if they have any questions

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that's what buzz aldrin does right he

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just punches people who ask him about

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the moon

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do you like ketchup or mustard

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[Laughter]

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uh heinz collaborated with 14

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astrobiologists at the aldrin space

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institute at florida tech to grow

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tomatoes in a simulated martian soil the

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team success successfully yielded a crop

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of heinz tomatoes

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from the brand's proprietary tomato seed

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with the

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exact the exacting qualities that pass

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the rigorous quality and taste standards

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to become its iconic ketchup the company

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said on monday

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how much money

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uh could be used to uh

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house like homeless people or you know

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they're like spending almost money on

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space ketchup space ketchup and it's

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like okay you could you could start a

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charity and maybe uh upskill some out of

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out of work people like they need some

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additional work to become web developed

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learn how to code code joe people got to

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learn how to code and heinz could be

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doing this but no they're making

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martian ketchup

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i like the comment about how it uh it

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was it was what tested to meet their

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rigorous standards so is there somebody

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is there a guy who works for heinz he

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wears a lab coat and he walks around and

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he just drinks ketchup to taste it like

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the the guys with the uh the the there's

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that youtube video of the guy uh tasting

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ice cream yeah a guy tastes ice cream

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and then every movie there's a guy

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designated who tastes cocaine to make

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sure it's pure enough

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you know it's like it's a like one of

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these tomato testers right out there

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that's uh jesse and uh

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the breaking bad yeah he that's the

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purity you can taste

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of ketchup he's just testing ketchup no

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he that's the the purity of the the

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crystal meth i believe right

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yeah i think that looks okay yeah

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uh so here we go before now most efforts

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around discovering

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ways to grow in martian simulated

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conditions

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are short-term plant growth studies uh

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what this project has done is look at

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long-term food harvesting achieving

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a crop that

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is of a quality to become heinz ketchup

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heinz tomato ketchup

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and that that was the dream and it was

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the result and we achieved it said astro

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biologist andrew palmer who led the two

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year project

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did this guy waste his time ancient

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astronaut theorists say yes okay

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i also like how they said that like how

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do you phrase it there that was the

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dream

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and we achieved it

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i have a dream when i go to mars i gotta

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have ketchup

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i was saying going i'm going to step off

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the the lander the first footprint on

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mars

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and i'm going to say for all mankind

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jesus christ

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heinz is no stranger to space it's

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ketchup

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is in use on the international space

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station it might seem a little silly to

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be thinking of uh thinking ahead to

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ketchup on mars but

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varied food sources say yes flavors will

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be important to the well-being of future

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astronauts

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who uh who are far

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this is absolutely an ad it's on c net

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of all places they weren't they like a

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tech

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outfit yeah that's what they were they

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do tech news and like space news science

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news you know but that but this is just

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going to be nothing new

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yeah this could be nothing other uh than

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a than a than an ad

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to be fair has been a disappointment joe

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if you want to see that this is

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definitely an ad because of all the news

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news uh sources covering it just do a

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search for mars ketchup and you find

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smithsonian msn mental floss kriv daily

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mail slash gear cnn so they're all

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covered even space.com which i believe

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is actually run by nasa or just a bunch

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of jerks i don't know

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but they're all covering the story yep

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everyone's got their own spin on on mars

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ketchup

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meanwhile try to look uh look at the the

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i googled ethics muppets gupta

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it's all like

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the positive stuff i thought you could

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say it said no results no it's all

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positive stuff and even that clip that

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we played about the muppets it was uh

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media matters

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like laughing at fox news for getting

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upset for seeing it's just like it's so

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obvious that these [\h__\h] are so

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bought man this is just like

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faith in institutions should be gone it

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should be gone

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um

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i so i did find it they released a one

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minute promo video mike if you want to

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actually run that i do

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i i saw that as soon as you put it in

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there it's like oh the heinz is

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introducing the mars edition it's a deep

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dive into the so wait a second i i need

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to get limited edition

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heinz christmas

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soup i need to get the limited edition

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arby's flavored vodka yep

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and i need to get the limited edition

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heinz mars ketchup even though i am

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opposed to condiments i don't use them

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and i hate them i'll destroy any comment

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i see

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but and this is why you can't go to

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space mike i can't go to mars i'm not

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allowed mars

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the packet of taco bell sauce back not

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gonna mail those packets back

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well that last time you're on the space

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station you kept opening the hatch and

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i just stuffed a shatner spaceship full

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of taco sauce

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it insulates you from the heat it's like

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00:11:02,790 --> 00:11:00,560
just like somebody else keeps stuffing a

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bunch of human [\h__\h] and biting his pants

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exactly who put all this [\h__\h] in my

289
00:11:10,150 --> 00:11:06,480
pants yeah that's what he asked the

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00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:10,160
first thing he's like who [\h__\h] my pants

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uh here's the uh the heinz uh mars

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edition commercial

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with humankind exploring mars

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new questions arise

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will we live there one day

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what will the future look like here on

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earth

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will we have heinz tomato ketchup well

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hello

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we will

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heinz and the aldern space institute

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00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:42,959
combine their expertise to create

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tomatoes

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in the harshest conditions ever

305
00:11:50,949 --> 00:11:49,360
martian soil with regards to our own

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00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:50,959
survival here on this planet you know

307
00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:52,639
one of the big questions is how do we

308
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:56,000
grow in soils that are less than ideal

309
00:12:01,430 --> 00:11:58,160
space exploration brought many benefits

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00:12:02,550 --> 00:12:01,440
to our world gps water filtration

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00:12:03,910 --> 00:12:02,560
systems

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00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:03,920
and now

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00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:07,120
this really if we can grow on mars soil

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00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:09,839
we can grow in more places on earth

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really heinz mars edition grown under

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00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:15,680
mars soil conditions for generations to

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00:12:22,150 --> 00:12:18,720
come holy this is a giant snack i mean a

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giant step for humanity

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00:12:27,509 --> 00:12:25,920
good gracious all right oh well we've

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00:12:29,829 --> 00:12:27,519
done it human human civilization has

321
00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:29,839
peaked i you know these all sound like

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00:12:34,470 --> 00:12:31,920
very smart people some money went behind

323
00:12:35,910 --> 00:12:34,480
this like don't they know space is fake

324
00:12:36,710 --> 00:12:35,920
and gay

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00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:36,720
uh

326
00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:37,760
well

327
00:12:40,870 --> 00:12:39,360
that's obvious joe

328
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:40,880
would i

329
00:12:44,710 --> 00:12:42,000
why what

330
00:12:47,430 --> 00:12:44,720
no the ketchup is this this video is two

331
00:12:49,430 --> 00:12:47,440
days old and this is on the the heinz

332
00:12:52,870 --> 00:12:49,440
youtube channel it's only got 5 000

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00:12:54,230 --> 00:12:52,880
views and only 45 up votes and only five

334
00:12:55,350 --> 00:12:54,240
down votes and those downloads are going

335
00:12:58,870 --> 00:12:55,360
to go away

336
00:13:00,069 --> 00:12:58,880
because youtube is doing away with the

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00:13:01,670 --> 00:13:00,079
down vote

338
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:01,680
so or uh

339
00:13:04,230 --> 00:13:03,360
the thumbs down so

340
00:13:05,430 --> 00:13:04,240
it's

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00:13:07,509 --> 00:13:05,440
they spent a lot of money in this

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00:13:10,949 --> 00:13:07,519
commercial in production

343
00:13:12,470 --> 00:13:10,959
and it's only got 5 000 views

344
00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:12,480
i guess it just shows like all the

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00:13:18,389 --> 00:13:14,560
advertisement they did with space.com

346
00:13:20,949 --> 00:13:18,399
and all these other like space like cnet

347
00:13:23,430 --> 00:13:20,959
we're the only ones driving traffic

348
00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:23,440
the people making fun of it yeah yeah

349
00:13:27,269 --> 00:13:25,279
hey mello horus is saying yeah we're

350
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:27,279
gonna put you combine this with the

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00:13:33,110 --> 00:13:29,920
curly fries uh vodka

352
00:13:35,750 --> 00:13:34,550
it's a bloody absolutely

353
00:13:38,230 --> 00:13:35,760
[\h__\h] yeah

354
00:13:40,550 --> 00:13:38,240
that's how you do it

355
00:13:42,790 --> 00:13:40,560
arby's needs to partner with nasa right

356
00:13:44,470 --> 00:13:42,800
now arby's needs to get in the space

357
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:44,480
game asap

358
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:45,920
yeah

359
00:13:53,590 --> 00:13:51,910
it's funny you brought that up because

360
00:13:55,110 --> 00:13:53,600
this has happened to me on a couple of

361
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:55,120
occasions where

362
00:13:59,269 --> 00:13:57,680
there's a market over here that i go to

363
00:14:01,350 --> 00:13:59,279
for my groceries and there's an arby's

364
00:14:02,790 --> 00:14:01,360
there and then it got demolished so like

365
00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:02,800
tore it down

366
00:14:05,829 --> 00:14:03,920
and

367
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:05,839
now they just built an arby's on top of

368
00:14:09,189 --> 00:14:07,440
it so i'm like

369
00:14:10,790 --> 00:14:09,199
the you know like i'm a little confused

370
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:10,800
when i first moved to atlanta there was

371
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:11,920
a bp

372
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:14,480
on the corner of piedmont and

373
00:14:17,269 --> 00:14:16,399
i don't remember which intersection it

374
00:14:20,949 --> 00:14:17,279
was

375
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:20,959
they leveled the bp and built a bp

376
00:14:25,189 --> 00:14:22,320
what is this

377
00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:25,199
it's like uh it's like a ghost like uh

378
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:26,639
you can't get rid of it it's like a

379
00:14:30,949 --> 00:14:28,320
poultry guys you can't do anything it

380
00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:30,959
just demands that you you put the exact

381
00:14:35,590 --> 00:14:34,079
same thing that you took away it's it's

382
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:35,600
like a curse

383
00:14:39,269 --> 00:14:37,519
that's so bizarre so i have an image up

384
00:14:41,990 --> 00:14:39,279
here of uh the first arby's open on the

385
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:42,000
moon so there it is i see that out there

386
00:14:45,910 --> 00:14:43,600
and uh this image which will appear to

387
00:14:48,870 --> 00:14:45,920
everybody in about five seconds is a

388
00:14:50,550 --> 00:14:48,880
picture of the uh first arby's on mars

389
00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:50,560
so there you go oh wow

390
00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:52,160
that looks

391
00:14:54,870 --> 00:14:53,920
look at that sack of filth

392
00:14:56,710 --> 00:14:54,880
all right

393
00:14:58,310 --> 00:14:56,720
they should put a little portal

394
00:14:59,910 --> 00:14:58,320
in there you know what i mean like it's

395
00:15:01,750 --> 00:14:59,920
just like step through one of the doors

396
00:15:03,910 --> 00:15:01,760
don't go to the restroom it's the one

397
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:03,920
over there uh and then it just takes you

398
00:15:07,350 --> 00:15:05,760
to the mars harvey's like a pac-man

399
00:15:09,110 --> 00:15:07,360
portal that'd be great if they could do

400
00:15:12,069 --> 00:15:09,120
that with the stargate find yourself on

401
00:15:14,389 --> 00:15:12,079
mars suddenly oh [\h__\h] are we we need to

402
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:14,399
we need to get on twitter and urge arby

403
00:15:19,189 --> 00:15:17,760
to invest into stargate technology

404
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:19,199
uh that's that they got a little

405
00:15:22,629 --> 00:15:21,279
wormhole it's like you gotta go it's the

406
00:15:23,509 --> 00:15:22,639
wormhole is the

407
00:15:26,230 --> 00:15:23,519
joker

408
00:15:27,590 --> 00:15:26,240
it's pronounced glory hole glory hole

409
00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:27,600
yes joe

410
00:15:31,509 --> 00:15:29,279
you need to get into glory hole

411
00:15:32,949 --> 00:15:31,519
technology arby's oh i hit the glory

412
00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:32,959
hole right here and they they changed

413
00:15:38,310 --> 00:15:35,040
their uh their slogan to put put our

414
00:15:44,150 --> 00:15:41,269
all right give us an email at our big

415
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:44,160
dumb month gmail.com check out

416
00:15:48,389 --> 00:15:46,160
obdmport.com

417
00:15:48,830 --> 00:15:48,399
for all the social media and donation

418
00:15:52,710 --> 00:15:48,840
links